those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
