it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
