Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
