ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize