ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
