I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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