Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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