Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
