so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
