If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
