i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize