I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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