Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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