I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
