that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
