Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
