so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
