It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
