I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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