i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
