We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
