I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize