it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
