As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
