Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
