I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
