sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
