And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
