K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
