we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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