I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
