Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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