UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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