and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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