Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
as a side note pls kill me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
