Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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