I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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