he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
