she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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