I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
