true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize