so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
