i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
