guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
