She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
