I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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