i jhust puked up my retainher.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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