Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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