The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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