my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
