remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
