Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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