Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
