You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize