First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
