my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
