i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
