Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
