one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
