My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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