I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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