just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
