The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
