Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
