Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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