if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
