benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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