just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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