What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
