Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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