Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Randomize
