so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
