Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
