I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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