enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
