Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
