i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
