I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
