Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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