it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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