youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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